10 Ways To Practice Purity By Ron Hutchcraft

When you fall in love, it's natural to want to express your love in physical ways. But you also know God wants you to remain sexually pure - in both your actions and your thoughts. Sometimes it's a tough blance, but showing love for another and remaining pure is possible. Here are some suggestion :

Keep Innocent Expressions Special. Rather than making the innocent expressions a mere prelude to the " heavier stuff," make the most of them. Let holdings hands mean something. Express tenderness by simply putting your arms around each other. Make sure a kiss communicates true feeling and isn't just the first step to further physical involvement.

Pace Your Passion. Every marathon runner knows that you don't use up your energy at the beginning of the race; you need most of it at the end. Pacing your passion means that you realize you're trying to remain pure all the way to your wedding day. It's OK to express your love in little ways, but don't start messing with the package that is sex. To get real practical, avoid French kissing and petting - anything that is sure to ignite the fires of passion.

Don't Feed Your Fantasies. It's normal to think about sex sometimes. In fact, with the way advertising and Hollywood exploit sex, it would be impossible not to think about it. So choose your entertainment carefully. Soap operas, certain songs, books, Television shows, movies and Web sites only turn up the pressure. feeding your thought life with junk only makes it harder to remain pure in your actions.

Remember Whose Property You're Touching. You do not own the person you're dating. That person belongs to God. Imagine there's a sign on everyone you date that reads : PROPERTY OF JESUS

Make A Promise to God, And Daily Renew Your Commitment. Decide where you're going to draw the line, and tell God that with his help, you are not going to cross that line until marriage. Don't commit to it unless you mean it, though. The Bible says it's a serious thing to make a vow to God. At the same time, realize that you can't stick to your promise without his help. That's why it's important to renew your commitment daily.

Acknowledge Jesus' Presence on every date. Before a date, it's normal to spend a lot of time getting ready. After all, you want to look your best. But you also want to make sure you're Spiritually prepared. So spend at least as much time in prayer as you do in front of a mirror. As it says in Proverbs 3 : 6 : " Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths."

Agree On Your Standards. Before sex becomes an issue in the relationship, talk about your standards with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't dwell only on the negative - what you won't do. Hebrews 10 : 24 tells us to " encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds." Discuss ways your friendship can help each of you become a better person.

Don't Always Be Alone. Sure, you want to be alone with your date; that's only normal. Yet too much time alone can lead you to do things you'll regret later. Your relationship will be a lot healthier if you spend time with each other's families and friends.

Put Real Love First. Genuine love always respects the other person. It never says, " If you love me, you'll... " Real love says instead, " Since I care about you so much, I will respect you, treat you with kindness, and never ask you to do something you know or feel is wrong."

Declare A New Beginning. If you think you've already given away too much, Don't give up. The beauty of Christianity is that sins are forgiven and erased ( see " a Second Chance At Virginity? " ). You can start over today.

Reasons Why Premarital Sex Is Unhealthy

The Risk Of Dying

Everyone realizes having sex before marriage can have dangerous consequences. Even with condoms and other ' safe sex ' devices, there is still a chance of pregnancy. If sperm, which are living cells, can make it through these devices, how much easier is it for a virus ( many times smaller than a human cell ) to bypass the device. More than 600,000 cases of AIDS have been reported in the United States since 1981, and as many as 900,000 Americans may be infected with HIV ( CDC ). Numbers in other parts of the world are even higher.


Risks Of Disease Or Infertility

Many incurable diseases, some that will make both men and women infertile are spread through sexual relationships. Once again ' safe ' sex does not offer 100% protection from these diseases. These diseases are often termed STDs ( Sexually Transmitted Diseases ).

Herpes and other STDs are everywhere ( over 45 million cases of Herpes in the U.S. alone, Why risk contracting an STD?


The Risk Of Damaged Or Lost Relationships

We are emotionally wired to see sex as a commitment. When a casual sex relationship ends, you and the other person experience guilt and pain of the unspoken promises that were broken. I have seen many people lose good friends after having sex, because boundaries were crossed that now make their friendship awkward.


The Risk Of Depression

Premarital sex is almost a form of abuse, as the partners are using each other without make the commitment of life long trust and love. This often causes emotional damage that may lead to an increased chance of mental depression and emotional despair.


The Risk Of Damaging Your Future Marriage

I have several friends who are married, or who are about to be married that have struggled greatly with telling, or learning about, previous sexual encounters. This knowledge causes stress on these relationships because of lack of trust and regret.


The Risk Of Sexual Dysfunction

Every year people spend millions of dollars to correct sexual dysfunction through drugs and psychotherapy. Many people think that once they enter marriage the problems of sleeping around, pornography, and masturbation will stop. However, many find these problems to be more noticeable and controlling once they are in a marriage. I have spoken with several good Christians who have dysfunction because of a current addiction to pornography. Side note : Romance novels are women's pornography and can often cause just as much trouble in a marriage as the woman is expecting unrealistic romance.

Practical Reasons For Waiting

Premarital sex can detract from a strong relationship and a fulfilling love life. Too often, it's merely a self- gratifying experience. After intercourse, one partner might be saying, " I love you " while the other is thinking, " I love it. "

Premarital sex often lacks total, permanent commitment. This can create insecurity. For instance, while the couple is unmarried, the magging thought can persist, " If she/he's slept with me, who else have they slept with? " After they marry, one might think, " If they were willing to break a standard with me before we married, will they with another after we marry? " Doubt can chip away at their relationship.

Premarital sex can also inhibit communication. each might wonder, " how so I compare with my lover's other partners? Does she/ he tell them how I perform in bed? " Each may become less open; communication can deteriorate and so can the relationship.

Premarital sex can lessen people's chances to experience maximum oneness and pleasure. " I really like what you said about waiting, " said a recently married young woman after a lecture at Sydney University in Australia. " My fiance and I had to make the decision, and we decided to wait. " 9 Each had been sexually active in other previous relationships ) " With all the other tensions, decisions and stress of engagement, sex would have been just another worry. Waiting till our marriage before we had sex was the best decision we ever made. "


And those who save sex for marriage are rewarded in two ways:

Honeymoon virginity. Virgins may be nervous on their wedding night. But that's good. You ought to be nervous for the biggest night of your life. For virgins, everything is about to change. They will delve into mysteries they have wondered about all their lives. They will unfold those mysteries with the person they love more than any other. That's worth celebrating. For the sexually experienced, however, a honeymoon is merely a nice vacation.

You only get one " first time " in life. There is great joy in experiencing it with the person to whom you've just publicly committed your life. But that's only possible if you wait.


Total commitment. When you're used to having sex without total commitment, it may be hard to understand what totally surrendering your life to another person is all about. If, earlier in your life, sex merely meant, " I'm strongly attracted to you, " it is not easy to change your thinking to, " I give myself wholly and exclusively to you."

Virgins are uniquely able to give their total selves to love in a marriage. That's why " the first time " is such a big deal. You are giving your total self to the one great love of your life.

It's not easy to resist the temptations and pressures to have sex before marriage. But if you want to experience sex the way God meant for it to be, the surest way is to experience no other kind of sex. It's tough to wait for, certainly. But most good thing are.

Why True Love Waits? By Tim Stafford

If you stood up in class and encouraged others to follow God's plan for sex, people would think you were trying to outlaw happiness.

You'd have to work hard to explain that God is not against sex. In fact, he considers it something good. It was, after all, his idea. God could have made us, reproduce the way plants do, with floating spores and pollen. But he preferred human life to spring from the exultant, loving embrace of intercourse. So it only makes sense that all - knowing God who invented sex should know how it can best be celebrated. God wouldn't sacrifice his own Son to redeem us, and then turn around to arbitrarily spoil our fun.

A lot of people do feel it's spoiling their party if someone says sex outside of marriage is wrong. But where exactly is this party? Oh, maybe some people are having fun, but people on the whole are having a miserable time. You can't cut the statistics to read any other way. AIDS, divorce, adultery, abortion, and unwanted pregnancies add up to something other than fun.

When God gives direction for sex, he does it either to protect us from harm, or to provide for our needs. Or both.

The Bible is very frank about sex. There's not a prudish note from Genesis to Revelation.

A whole book ( the Song of Solomon ) celebrates the sensuality of erotic love. The Bible reflects exactly the attitude you'd expect from an inventor writing about his invention. God, better than anyone else, appreciates what his invention means. He understands how it works and knows exactly what it's good for. He tells us how to use it - and how not to.

So what is God's view of sex? Simple : Sex is wonderful within marriage. Outside of marriage, it's an offense to the inventor.

Why marriage? Isn't a really committed relationship close enough? Nope. According to the Bible, only the commitment a man and a woman make in the ceremony of marriage counts. Marriage is the only place to experience truly committed love, love that echoes our relationship with God.

Husband must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her. ... In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife ( Ephesians 5 : 25, 28 )

It was that way from the beginning, when Adam and Eve were created and presented to each other by God:

" At last! " Adam exclaimed.

" She is part of my own flesh and bone! " ... This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now, although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame ( Genesis 2 : 23 - 25 )

That's the ideal, the dream, as the Bible sees it: total nakedness, total unity, total love, total sexual satisfaction within marriage. Plenty of marital problems parade the pages of Scripture - God is no fool. But the ideal stands above the failures.

The Bible doesn't mince words about behavior that falls short of the ideal. Jesus, particularly, made his views plain. Though he never married, he spoke with absolute authority ( like an inventor ) against abuses like fornication ( sex between people who are not married ), adultery and divorce. He said of married people :

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together ( Matthew 19 : 6 )

Paul had the same words of advice:

Our bodies were not made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. ... Don't you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which belongs to Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! ... Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Or don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for god bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body ( 1 Corinthians 6 : 13, 15, 18 - 20 )

God wants your marriage bed to be pure because he cares for you. He wants to protect you from the worst. He wants to provide for you the very best.

But what if two people love each other? What if they know they'll marry someday? Why should they wait?

It may seem that being deeply in love is enough to bond two people together forever. But God says it's not. Marriage is more than just love. It's a promise of lifelong commitment - a promise made in front of others. And those who save sex for marriage are rewarded in two ways:

Honeymoon virginity. Virgins may be nervous on their wedding night. But that's good. You ought to be nervous for the biggest night of your life. For virgins, everything is about to change. They will delve into mysterious they have wondered about all their lives. They will unfold those mysteries with the person they love more than any other. That's worth celebrating. For the sexually experienced, however, a honeymoon is merely a nice vacation.

You only get one " first time " in life. There is great joy in experiencing it with the person to whom you've just publicly committed your life. But that's only possible if you wait.

Total commitment. When you're used to having sex without total commitment, it may be hard to understand what totally surrendering your life to another person is all about. If, earlier in your life, sex merely meant, " I'm strongly attracted to you, " it is not easy to change your thinking to, " I give myself wholly and exclusively to you. "

Virgins are uniquely able to give their total selves to love in a marriage. That's why " the first time " is such a big deal. You are giving your total self to the one great love of your life. It's not easy to resist the temptations and pressures to have sex before marriage. But if you want to experience sex the way God meant for it to be, the surest way is to experience no other kind of sex. It's tough to wait for, certainly. But most good things are.

A Second Chance At Virginity? By Tim Stafford

It sounds ridiculous.

Become a virgin again? Why not ask to relive last week? How is it possible to start over?

A man once posed a similar question to Jesus : " How can an old man go back into his mother's womb and be born again? " ( John 3 :4 ) Jesus answered by talking about a second spiritual birth. Humans can only reproduce human life, but the Holy Spirit gives new life from heaven ( John 3 : 6 )

You can lose your physical virginity just once. If you did it, you did it. You can't get that first time back again. And the past carries with it physical and emotional consequences. If memories have been etched on your brain, you can't pretend they're gone. But spiritually, it is quite possible to start all over again.

Spiritual rebirth doesn't destroy the past. It transforms it. A second chance, spiritually, means there are no limitations to what you can become. The God who made the universe out of nothing can take your past and make from it something beautiful.

The apostle Paul talked about this transformation when he wrote to a group of Christians in Greece. They had plenty in their past to regret. But because they trusted Jesus to redeem them, the past had been transformed:

Don't you know that those who do wrong will have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don't fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, who are idol worshipers, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, thieves, greedy people, drunkards, abusers, and swindlers - none of these will have a share in the Kingdom of God. There was a time when some of you were just like that, but now your sins have been washed away, and you have been set apart for God. You have been made right with God because of what the Lord Jesus Christ and the Spirit of our God have done for you ( 1 Corinthians 6 : 9 - 11 )

How do you begin that kind of transformation? You can't manage it on your own. You need God's power and forgiveness. And where do you find that? You ask for it. Spiritual transformation begins as simply and as mysteriously as that. You ask, admitting your need. And God goes to work in your life.

So when you've stopped having sex and asked for forgiveness, can you call yourself a virgin? Perhaps you are no longer a virgin in the physical sense. But because you have been purified by God, you are a virgin in his eyes. That may not clear up your reputation or your memory. But it does clear up your future with God. You are as good as new.

Once you've experienced God's forgiveness, you'll still have to deal with the leftovers of your past, like guilt. Feelings of guilt are your internal, emotional response. They aren't always reliable. What we call a guilty conscience is often a mixture of feelings like regret, loss, sadness and shame. These are natural feelings for someone who's been involved in a sexual relationship.

The sense of guilt won't instantly change. Like other natural consequences - pregnancy, disease, or painful memories - feelings don't necessarily disappear when God transforms your life. But their sting is taken away. So, even though you may still feel guilty, it's vital to know that, as far as God is concerned us when we confess our sins to him. And that's truth of 1 John 1 : 9, where God promises to forgive us and cleanse us when we confess our sins to him. And that's the truth of Jeremiah 31 : 34, where God promises to forget your ins forever.

Jesus didn't die on the cross to take away your feelings. He hied to take away your sins. Cleansed of sin, you can work on transforming your feeling unto a useful tool for God's service. They need not lead you downward. Transformed, they can give you compassion for the pain of other people. And they can give you deep determination not to go wrong again.

It's Great To Wait

I Wish I'd Waited
Now i understand why God wanted me to save myself for my wedding night. By Valerie Gotuva*


I couldn't look her in the eye. " Yes, of course his mom will be there," I said sarcastically. My mom questioned me like this all the time, and i deserved it. But i couldn't let her know that. I was going to my boyfriend Kevin's for dinner and a movie.

My Kevin. He played guitar in a band, he wrote poetry and he was incredibly sweet. He said he loved me, so i said i loved him too.

Mom drove me over to Kevin's, just to make sure his mom was there. She was. But that didn't really matter. I could make my own decisions. And i did....


What if?

Kevin drove me home that night. After he kissed me goodbye, I stepped inside and went upstairs. I looked at myself in the mirror, and i didn't like to look into my own eyes. I went into my room, trying not to look at my bookshelf where the words " Teen Study Bible" glared back at me accusingly. I lay in bed for hours, and I couldn't sleep.

All I, could think was, What if? What if i get pregnant?

I cried as I wrote in my journal, mapping out a plan in case I did get pregnant. Who would I tell first? Would I try to have an abortion? Would I stay in school? How would I ever be able to face Dad ( I remember we sang " Standing on the Promises" in front of the church a long time ago and I wore a blue dress ) ... or Mama ( we baked chocolate chip cookies almost every week that one summer ) ... or my brother ( I helped him build model rockets when we were little ) ?

" Oh Please, God," I prayed, "just let me not be pregnant. I'll stop doing this."

I didn't get pregnant. But i didn't stop, either.

Feeling Betrayed

Time passed, and little by little I became aggravated with Kevin. His friends kidded me about the physical side of our relationship; so much for his promised discretion.

He didn't know at a dance recital that meant a lot to me. I started feeling betrayed. I'd shared my bodywith him, my soul, and he didn't really care. It hurt a lot. I broke up with him after a six - month relationship.

A wall had been built, though, and it remained - between me and my parents, and , most importantly, between me and God. I went into another relationship, and again i went too far physically. I was addicted. It seemed like I was in an endless cycle, even after I broke up with my second boyfriend. Change seemed impossible.

A year later, I sat in church one Sunday, listening to something about parable of wheat and tares ( Matthew 13 : 24 - 30 ). tares are weeds that grow in fields. Tares look like wheat, but are not. That hit me. Even though I'd been in church my whole life and came from a Christian family, I realized I had no true faith.

And faith was what it was all about. Faith that Christ had died on the cross so I could be with him - so my sins, all of them, could be washed away. Faith was the answer.

So I prayed. I told God I knew I was a sinner, that the things I'd done were wrong. I asked him to forgive me an be the Lord of my life. At 17 years old, I got saved.

As I began studying the Bible, I found more and more instances where God's rules, and my parents' rules, weren't just stupid things that made no sense. They made perfect sense; they were there for a reason, to guide me on how to really be happy.

The Gift Of Mercy

I talked to my parents one night and told them the truth about the things I'd done. I cried. I asked their forgiveness.

My mom said she had known all along; she gave me a hug, and she cried as well. And I'll never forget my dad's face - so twisted full of pain. But as time's gone on, that face has softened; my dad loves me, and he forgiven me too.

Mercy is an incredible gift.

I struggle daily with guilt, and with feelings I wish I didn't have. I wonder if there's going to be a Christian man who will love me and marry me one day, even with the mistakes I've made. That's the worst fear of all.

And even though I know God has forgiven me, I struggle to forgive myself. Thoughts like that hurt. But I believe God has a plan for me. He will protect me and give me strength I need to live for him and to wait for marriage. I pray for it every day, and , day by day, his grace comes to help.

I'm waiting for marriage because I've known the pain that comes from disobedient to God. Sex outside of marriage isn't what he intended, and it causes feelings that cut deeply, to the very soul of a person.

I'm waiting because I know God has someone in mind for me as a partner one day, if it's his will that I should marry. I'm waiting because I want what I will share with that person to be special. And I'm waiting because I know that through God's strength, I can.

If you can relate to this story, it's good to know that through God's grace, you can experience " second - chance virginity. "

How To Develop A Very Strong, Intimate Relationship Probably?

Strengthening your self - concept by accepting the fact that you both have faults as well as virtues allows you to appreciate one another and verbally recognize one another's individual growth and development. Accepting who you are as God's creation allows you to be open and vulnerable with your partner.

Understanding the differences and similarities between your approaches to life allows you to anticipate and work through your problems.

Clarifying your expectation of yourselves, each other and the relationship gives you a chance to discard unrealistic fantasies and to help fulfill one another's needs.

Choosing and working toward goals in your relationship will bring the two of you closer together because you are investing in one another's lives.

Communicating openly and confronting one another in a loving manner builds the trust level as well as the degree of intimacy in your partnership.

Spending your time apart from one another in a constructive manner encourages a healthy level of independence in each individual so that while there is certain amount of interdependence in the relationship, the partners are not wholly dependent upon one another for everything.

Seeing one another in a variety of situations over a period of several months helps you get to know your partner.

Controlling the progression of the relationship allows the romantic fantasy to evaporate so that the relationship can be built on reality.

Limiting the amount of time spent alone together is an exercise in patience and discipline that will be helpful in the course of any long - term relationship.

Seeking counseling as a couple can help you anticipate and overcome most major hurdles you may encounter.



A solid friendship, a level of deep emotional intimacy, and a godly physical expression of your love for one another will developed.

Biblical Reasons To Wait For Marriage Before Having Sex

The Risk of Damaging Your Testimony As A Christian

While it is commonly known amongst Christians that Christians are expected to wait until marriage for sex, there is also this expectation for Christians from the non - Christian world. You have probably felt this pressure in your school when others say " Christians aren't suppose to do this or that." If you have sex before marriage then you may damage your ability to witness as a Christian amongst your peers. Some Christian teenagers think that their peers will not know about their sexual activities, but at most high school students know, gossip travels fast, and it is best ' to remain blameless.'

The Risk of Disobeying God

The True Love Waits organization tells us: " The Bible, time after time tells us to flee sexual sins. - 1 Corinthians 6 : 18

Why? Because it is a major strategy of the devil to sabotage God's work on Earth."

" It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality " - 1 Thessalonians 4 : 3

While having sexual relations outside of marriage is not going to send you straight to hell, there is a risk of damaging your relationship with God. As Christians it is important to always strive to develop a growing relationship with God.

Don't you know that those who do wrong will have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don't fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, who are idol worshipers, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, thieves, greedy people, drunkards, abusers, and swindlers - none of these will have a share in the Kingdom of God - l Corinthians 6 : 9 - 10

The Risk of Mistreating Opposite Sex

" Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity' - l Timothy 5 : 1 - 2

The Risk of Broken Relationship with God & Others

" Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God " - Matthew 5 : 8

" If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death" - Lev 20 : 10; cf. 18 : 20; Deuteronomy 22 : 22-24

" If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death.." - Deuteronomy 22 : 23 - 24

The Risk of Adultery

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together - Matthew 19 : 6

The Risk of Defiling Marriage Relationship

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral - Hebrew 13 : 4

The Risk of Defiling Purity of Heart

The New Testament goes beyond the Old Testament by internalizing the whole sexuality of a person and placing it within the context of motivation. Jesus emphasized that to entertain lustful desires toward a person of the opposite sex outside marriage means to be guilty of adultery ( Matt 5 : 27 - 28 ). The reason for this is that defilement
comes not only from outward acts but also from inward thoughts, which in Biblical imagery derive from the heart : " Out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a man " ( Matt 15 : 19 - 20 )

The Risk of Uncontrollable Passion

" For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification ; that you abstain from unchastity ( sexual immorality ); that each of you know how to take a wife for himself in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like heaven who do not know God " - Thess 4 : 2 - 5

Risk of Temporary Sexual Relationships : Prostitution or Pre - marital Sex

Here Paul admonishes those who had sexual urges to satisfy them by entering not into temporary relationships " in the passion of lust like the heathen who do not know God," but into permanent marital relationships. Such relationships are to be characterized by " holiness and honor. " Paul is most explicit in his condemnation of prostitution.

" Do you now know that he who joins himself to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, ' The two shall become one flesh.' But he who is unified to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him. Shun immorality. Every other sin which a man commits is outside the body; but the immoral man sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body " 1 Cor. 6 : 16 - 20

Risk of Unnecessary Soul Ties & Lost of Intimate Bond

In this passage, Paul helps us to see why the Bible strongly condemns sex outside marriage. Sex represents the most intimate of all the interpersonal relationships, expressing a " one - flesh " unity of total commitment. Such a unity of commitment cannot be expressed or experienced in a casual sexual union with a prostitute where the concern is purely commercial and recreational. The only oneness experienced in such sexual unions is the oneness of sexual immorality. Sexual immorality is serious because it affects the individual more deeply and permanently than any other sin. Paul describes it as a sin committed inside the body: " Every other sin which a man commits is outside the body; but the immoral man sins against his own body " 1 Cor. 6 : 18

It might be objected that all sins of sensuality such as gluttony or drunkenness affect a person inside the body. Yet they do not have the same permanent effect on the personality as the sin of fornication. Indulgence in eating or drinking can be overcome, stolen goods can be returned, lies can be retracted and replaced by the truth. But the sexual act, once committed with another person, cannot be undone. A radical change has taken place in the interpersonal relationship of the couple involved that can never be undone. Something indelible has stamped on them both forever. Even with a prostitute, sexual union leaves its permanent mark. It is a spot in the consciousness that cannot be removed. " The immoral man sins against his own body. "

Risk of Sex Without Commitment

" For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh " - Ephesians 5 : 31

Risk of Sex Without Intimacy

" Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? " - l Corinthians 6 : 16

" For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh " - Ephesians 5 : 31

How To Live Your Relationship Right?

Because developing an intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex is of the more exciting and satisfying experiences in life, it is sometimes difficult to spread the intimacy - building activities over a sufficiently long period of time for the relationship to develop real depth. There is a temptation to rush into commitment, to speed up the progression, and to spend as much time together as possible right away.
There are 3 type of progression :

A Natural Progression
Janet and Matt started dating in January and by March had decided to become more than intimate friends. Although their time alone together accumulated only slightly faster than the correct time, they did cross over into a sexual relationship about a month prior to getting married.

A Sensual Progression
Dinah and Nathan's relationship started out much like Janet and Matt's, except that after three month of dating they significantly increased the time they spent alone together. They started heavy petting shortly after their fifth month of dating. For about a week, they tried to let things cool off; but because they continued spending long evenings together, they soon not only went to bed together but began sleeping together regularly.

A Lustful Progression
Sharri and William started dating, went to bed, and moved in together within five weeks after having met. They actually knew very little about one another and hadn't had time to build much of relationship. Theirs was merely a convenient union based on physical attraction and emotional excitement, rather than a permanent commitment based on friendship.

"So What's The Problem?


Problems With Natural and Sensual Progression

^^ Because these two types of relationships move quickly from the casual stage of friendship to physical and emotional intimacy, there is a strong possibility that the skills required for maintaining intimacy at each level were not fully developed. Yet these are the very skills that become the most significant in a lifelong marriage. Getting married without these skills is a little like attempting to climb Mt. Everest after taking only one weekend course in mountain climbing!

^^ A second problems is that relationship need to be developed over a sufficient period of time for the romantic fantasy to give away to a joyous reality.

^^ A third problem is that, although developing sexual intimacy is more fun and less work than developing intimacy at the emotional, physical and friendship levels, sex without intimacy at those levels is not truly intimate.

^^ Exercise : The question is how far will you go, and when do you choose to get out of the relationship rather than get to 10? Be honest about the physical part of the relationship.

1. Look
2. Touch
3. Lightly holding hands
4. Constantly holding hands
5. Light kiss
6. Strong kiss
7. French kiss
8. Fondling breasts
9. Fondling sexual organs
10. Sexual intercourse

GOING BEYOND 7 prior to marriage will damage your spiritual lives and your moral characters.


Problems With A Lustful Progression


^^ First, the problems already mentioned are magnified. For example, instead of the relational skills just being underdeveloped, they probably do not even exist.

^^ Second, should the couple decide to back off from their sexual relationship, they would most likely return to the level of mere acquaintances because the friendship level was never developed.

^^ A third problem is that people tend to develop new relationship based on prior experiences. Consequently, those whose patterns have been to become sexually intimate quickly will tend to repeat those patterns over and over, getting involve with one partner after another.

^^ So, the underlying problem with all three of the less - than ideal progressions illustrated is that the end goal - a strong, lasting relationship - becomes less and less of a real possibility because the initial structure is weak. True friendship is the safety net under a marriage.

What Does God Say?

God's principles for moral purity are clearly outlined in His Word.

He designed the human body, including our sexual desires and functions ( Ps. 139: 13-17 )

Sexual intimacy is to be a part of the husband - wife relationship. Hebrews 13:4 reads, : Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed kept pure; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge".

Sexual intimacy outside of marriage is expressly forbidden. In fact, the Scriptures teach that those wjo continue to practice such things are excluded from the kingdom of God ( Cor. 5:9-13; 6:13-20; Eph. 5:3; Thess. 4:3 )

What Does The Bible Say?

Against this confused background, the Bible speaks clearly and incisively. It does not set out to answer the specific questions some Christians ask. You will no where find a verse which says, for example: ' You may kiss for six seconds but not for six minutes.' But what the Bible does give is guidelines - principles on which each Christian must build his or her behavior patterns.

Live in obedience to Jesus
Live in the presence of Jesus
Bring the will into alignment with God's
Seek God's transforming power
Watching our thinking : How to control thought life
- You may not able to stop lustful thoughts coming into your mind but you can refuse them permission to take up residence there
- Bear in mind Paul's teaching : ' whatever is true.... Whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable.... think about such things ( Philippians 4:8 )
- Recognize at what time of day and where lustful thoughts most frequently plague you
- Ask God to give you the mentality which can look at a pretty girl or an attractive man with appreciation
- Open yourself to a touch of the grace of God
- Refuse to believe the lie of the evil one
- Remember that your body and mind are temples of the Holy Spirit
Avoid tempting situations
Keep in touch with others
Be wise stewards of your sexuality
Refuse to be conditioned by our culture
Remember the real reason for radical relationships is to promote each other's growth.

How Far Can We Go In Physical Relationship?

Clearly, sexual intercourse is ' out '. But what about petting? Or Holding hands? Where do we draw the line? The Bible does not address itself to these specific questions. But it does give clear principles.

We must use our human reason as we work out what that means. Four key questions help us to do this:

Is this practice dangerous in any way?
Is it truly loving?
How does it affect us spiritually?
Is it natural?

Scale of touch

Genital Intercourse
Oral Sex
Mutual Masturbation
Heavy Petting
Petting
Prolonged Kissing
Kissing
Cuddling
Embracing
Holding hands

Genital Intercourse
We know that genital intercourse is not good but still have the people who practice it. We have already observed that the Bible's teaching on the context of sexual intercourse implies that Bible - observing Christians will draw the line below genital intercourse. That is, they will exclude it from their pre - marital experience. Thus the position is clear, though perhaps not welcomed to those who wish the Bible was not so definite. But what about the rest of the scale?

Oral Sex
Technically, oral sex is not full intercourse. Even though both partners may be brought to a climax, virginity is not lost. Is it then permissible or not?
Many people practice this because they no need to scare of any bad consequences like pregnant or AIDS, and at the same time they will feel good and reach the climax which they wants.

Mutual Masturbation
It often happens that two people who love each other agree to abstain from full genital intercourse, but, while with holding the final act, the penetration of the vagina by the penis, they stimulate one another's sex organs with the hands until each partner is brought to full orgasmic experience.

Heavy Petting
By heavy petting, I mean the practice of slipping your hands inside a girl's dress to fondle her breasts; or undoing the zip of your boyfriend's trousers to fondle his genitals; or stroking your girlfriend's thigh or genitalia. Heavy petting includes lying together in a state of undress from the waist upwards or fully naked; lying side by side or on top of one another.

Petting
By petting I mean fondling one another's breasts and genitals outside the clothes. I also mean any form of lying together. Included in petting comes prolonged kissing: any kiss which is more than a leisurely peck and particularly any kiss which involves that highly sensitive organ, the tongue.

In April 1986, Buzz magazine commissioned a nationwide survey on Christians' attitudes to sex. Over 2000 readers returned a full and frank questionnaire. A fifth of these were married. Asked what advice these Christian married couples would give to courting couples; nine couples out of ten said:

DON'T HAVE INTERCOURSE BEFORE MARRIAGE
DON'T GET INVOLVED IN HEAVY PETTING EITHER

In many ways, these married couples seem to have been preaching to the converted. 99% of single Christians admitted that they wanted to wait until marriage for sex and two thirds also wanted to save heavy petting until their wedding night. Suddenly, it seems ' No' has become a fashionable word.

Pre - Marital Sex And Consequences

What is the consequences of having pre - marital sex?

Physical Risk :
** Disease
< AIDS!!!!! >
** Pregnancy
** Increased incidence of cervical cancer
** Risk associated with use of contraceptives

Psychological Effect :
** Guilt & doubt
** Fear & disappointment
** Self - hatred
< Hate ourself for being so stupid to give the one who do not deserve to have it,
Hate ourself that we being not sincere to our future life partner >
** The pain of being exploited

Emotional Risk :
** Stunted growth in personal identity & social relationship
** Being fooled into marrying the wrong person
** Hanging on to a relationship to " save face".
< Damn stupid to think that >
** Using sex to avoid ( rather than to express ) intimacy.

Abstinence has immediate benefits for teens :
** Freedom to mature, develop confidence and grow in character
** Freedom to make and follow career plans
** Higher self - esteem; more respect for others
** Freedom to develop friendship

Dating has several purposes. It helps to :
** Get to know ourselves and others better
** Develop good social relationship and communication skills
** Learn responsibility and respect
** Choose a marriage partner more wisely

Why People Urge To Merge?

A. Physical Reasons :

1. Early Dating Statistics
< Early dating then will talk about sex between the couples and because they are immature and wanted to try.....
Here are the survey that 91% of age 12 has sex when they date; 56% of age 13; 53%of age 14; 14%of age15; 20%of age16; 17% has sex before graduate >
2. It feels good
< Feeling good when reach climax >
3. It provides a thrill

B. Environmental Reasons :

1. Lack of moral standards
2. Lack of information about sex
< It is better if we understand clearly about sex >
3. Broken home
4. Peer pressure
5. Media
< Media expose it and we misuse it. So sad! >
6. Alcohol & drugs
a. Consumption limits your freedom
b. You lose the ability to make rational decisions
< Alcohol kills! >
7. Easy access to birth control
< We have many ways to avoid pregnant and we misuse it >
8. Lack of clear and strong male role model
9. Early puberty
10. Great love myth
< Feeling of very loving, thoughts of forever, but who knows what will happen in the future? >
11. Today is all there is !
< People are open - minded! thoughts of what if my future life partner have sex before, so should be fair what! >

C. Psychological Reasons:

1. Search for identity
2. Preparation for marriage
< Why should we prepare? Your future life partner would laugh at you if you act silly about it >
3. It is all right during engagement
4. I owe it to him
< Stupid! You live for yourself! Not other people! >
5. Proves you are an adult- maturity
< To have sex is mature? Mature is about thinking, ok.... >
6. Curiosity
7. Skepticism about commitment

D. Emotional Reasons :

1. Loneliness
2. Pressure from boyfriend or girlfriend
< Pressure from them? Without sex will break off? then break up la, so what! God will not give us the partner who order us to do this >
3. Rebellion

E. Spiritual Reasons:
1. Negative perception of God - Broken image of a father
2. Lack of spiritual view of sex

Thoughts About Sex & Impact On Young People

How is it that people think about sex? How do they feel?

" I had intercourse even though I didn't want to. I was madly in love with the guy and one night he told me if I ever wanted to see him again. I'd have to have sex with him. I didn't want to lose him, so i did it. God! I hated myself and him afterward. I don't see him anymore. Sex isn't a toy, it should be something special." By Sherrie, 17

" I often go out to a bar I like, out of loneliness. I want some warm, loving company. When I pick up a man, though and make love with him, the opposite happens. I feel more lonely than before. " By Seattle College Student

" Sex...... is the only way many people know how to be intimate. " By Dr. Gabriel Brown, The New Celibacy


" Sexual activity is heightened in mid - adolescence ( 14 - 15 years ); it is also at this period that there is a " testing of the ability to attract the opposite sex. " By Dr. Ismail Mohd, National Population and Family Development Board. ( Malaysia )

Which Stage Of Sex Intercourse?

Most people in this world or maybe teenager don't know the difference between love and lust. They don't know whether they are really in love or simply satisfying their own physical desires. That's when they become susceptible to immorality. They give when the external and internal pressure gets too heavy.

When they give in, the effects of impurity devastate them. This list provides only a few of the ways they can hurt themselves :

~ Loss of virginity
~ Guilt and fear
~ Bad memories and flashbacks
~ Hurt parents
~ Unwanted pregnancy
~ Illegitimate child
~ Forced marriage
~ Sexually transmitted disease
~ Self - hatred
~ Spiritual bondage
~ Possible abortion

Survey From A Church :

#43% of church youth have had sexual intercourse
#39% see fondling breasts as acceptable
#32% see fondling genitals as acceptable
#65% have had some type of sexual contact from fondling breasts to intercourse
#29% more would have sex if they knew they would not get pregnant
#38% receive knowledge about sex from friends, 27% from movies, 23% from parents, 22% from tv, 13% from the Bible and 7% from the church.

《我只想要 All I Want - 7朵花》

王子变青蛙电视原声带
我只想要 All I Want （插曲）
唱：7F
曲：James Chu | 词：柯呈雄

怎么说忘就忘记 这甜蜜的过去
被思念包着厚厚的糖衣
不想再为了你伤心 这最冷的夏季
慢慢地 慢慢结成冰
承诺变悲哀 悲哀因我被爱
悲哀是因为你不在
我好想抱着你诉苦 却显得好无助
无助的让人想痛哭

我只想要 和你在一起
朝着幸福走去
像恋人般的简单甜蜜
我只想要 和你不分离
怎么轻易放弃
说你忘记

我想这一定是报应 都怪我太贪心
才让你头也不回的离去
黄色丝巾是想念 在树上被风吹
孤单的 孤单一个人无法沉睡
承诺变悲哀 悲哀因我被爱
悲哀是因为你不在
我好想抱着你诉苦 却显得好无助
无助的让人想痛哭

我只想要 和你在一起
朝着幸福走去
像恋人般的简单甜蜜
我只想要 和你不分离
怎么轻易放弃
说你忘记

爱情怎么会让每颗心都碎
我不再相信你
却又慢慢想起你


I love this song very much, i hope u guyz also will love it....
hehe......

**Leaving**

This Monday, my ex bf go to Ipoh study Poli already and his birthday is on next Monday so i bought a birthday present and wrote birthday card for him. I asked him out but he refuse too. Before i sms him, already know that he will say : Dont want la, today i need to sleep early. Because every time also like that, whenever i ask him out wit me, he refuse to do. i have no choice, i called his friend to help me....... unfortunately he know my style also, so he never come out and i never get to meet him before he go to ipoh.
Why are you so cruel to me?!!!!!
Why don't you think about my thought and feel when you refuse to see me?!!!!!
Is it that after you see me, you might die instantly?!!!

Anyway, i met his friend and we chat for more than 1 hours like couldn't stop but we have to because its too late and he has to pass the stuff to him. After back home, i wait for the time and i ask his friend what he said while he receive..... Feel sad when hear about his response.... But i can take it.....

ok la, no matter what, i hope that you will love the present that i gave you........
Wish you good luck!
All the best for you at there!
I'm gonna miss you!
Take good care of yourself!
God will bless you all the time............
Goodnight!
Sweet dreams!

My Dream Mobile Phone!!!!

I hope that i can get it very soon. The price now is RM1538 so far is the lowest price for zitron. I know that i only can get it by next year but also pray that the day will come very soon. The phone is so nice. Haha!

You guyz do pray for me leh........

Thank you!

New Life!!!

After this, I should be more confident and cherish about my life and be a better person. Human sometimes can be very lazy which means I am the one who include about this. So in order to succeed we need encourage and motivation from the people among themself.

Actually I also do not know what I am talking or crapping about. Haha!

No matter what happen,!
I am who i am!
I have to do something for myself!
Forget about past and start a new life!
We don't care about past or future but now!
Appreciate what we have now!
Be Cherish!
Be Charmed!
Be Positive!
Be Energetic!
Be Happy!
Stay Cool!

Father, I pray that I will have a better life or great life in all ways....
I will succeed in my career and education...
I will found my true love that very love me or love each other....
Care much about me, protect me from any danger or evil, talk with me, when I need him, he will be there for me, a good listener for me, give advice when I need....
Also good in education, noneed to high, better than me, ok already. Have both car and motorcycle.... Better is car.... haha!
I hope that I will found him one day!

I want to marry a rich guy!
haha!
Just kidding!
But if this can come true, I do hope for it!

ok la....
have to sleep already!

goodnight, father!
sweet dreams, father < Father, I hope that I won't dream tonight I need to have a good night sleep >

Father, I pray that all of my friend will be great! Tomorrow will be a better day or a great day! I also pray that Zhi Yan will have a strong body and his flu will get very well. I also pray that our VOICE cg will be back very soon so that I can attend it. I pray that my family will be fine, happy and healthy! I also pray that all of my friends will be happy, healthy and peace. Thank you, Father!

I Pray in Jesus Name, AMEN!

**FarAwaY**

Still have 7 days, my ex boy gonna leave Penang and go to Ipoh study Politeknik already. I am going to miss him very much.
My boyboy, i know that i had chose to leave you so this is the end. i knew that i have you is my happiness, you had protect me from evil and danger, love me very very much as it is like a diamond. whenever i need you, you will be there for me. I really love you. if not because of my rush then we won't end up like this.But after that i begged to be together back, you rejected me. i knew that you still love me, but why you choose to let me go? Stay faraway is not the excuses or reason that will make us apart. Now this is the end, regret also not use already. just hope that we will continue our life and live happily ever after.

" I am gonna miss you "

I wish to see you before you go there, can i? just wish that you will have a better life there. Besides that, do your best in politeknik ya.

Wonder how my heart will feel when i see you again? Wonder how my heart will feel when i see you have a new partner? Wonder how is our feeling towards each other?

Its ok d la, i pray that God will be with you no matter where you are, what will happen to you, and how you live. All the best for you, hope that all your dreams come true and do great in your life!

i think i have to sleep already la....
Goodnight, boyboy..... ( i know that i cant call that but is like a habit after long time will change i think )
Sweet dreams!
Do take care of yourself well as you are all alone there!
God Bless You.... < i know you are a strong Buddhist but i also pray that my God will bless you >

Good bye, boyboy!

现在的我

我啊,
每天都上网, 每天都好像没有心, 可是每天都上网跟朋友们谈天, 这个时候最需要的是朋友, 朋友是我的一切..........
我希望我的朋友都过得很好, 而且如果他们有什么需要的话, 我会尽我所能帮他们......

朋友们我支持你!!!!!!

知道吗?
有朋友问过我, 我有没有想过要拍拖? 我觉得我现在不是很想, 我觉得我现在不想伤到任何人......
我觉得我现在是在等吧.....
等着我的真爱,一个我真的爱他,他也真的爱我, 真的能永久的........
我不是在等人追我, 而是在等或者找着吧............
我现在只是怕我不能坚持到底, 容易因为别人对我的关心而接受他, 我希望我能,
你们会跟我一起努力的吧?
最近我看了一部戏 " 王子变青蛙",
我希望我是叶天瑜, 我爱他, 他也爱我,彼此知道心里想什么,
就像有一个暗号, 一个只是在我们之间的暗号...

< 我希望我们会为了在乎对方的感受, 为我们在乎的人努力, 是不求回报也会快乐的 >

我希望我能感受这一切!!!!
到底真爱是怎样的?
我几时才能感受得到?
我会等! 那时我希望我自己也会真真的爱他, 照顾他..........

我知道我不会错过我的缘分的!

I trust in you, my God!!!

**Stars Of Elegance**

As i said 23th of June is our school, SGGS graduation night for Upper Sixes and also Form 5. Our theme for that night is
" Star Of Elegance" ~ ~ ' Elegance...Sophistication With Grace '

Most of the girl who attend was very pretty like bride..... they spend look of money for that night with their gown,hair and other accessories......
If i have lots of money i also can do that.... they really look different but me like normal..... haha! We reach there at 7pm then took a lot of photo. i wish to take photo with all my teacher but unfortunately my favorite teacher, Miss Yeoh never come and also Pn. Khoo and Pn. Alimaton. So i just took photo with Mr.Koay and Mr. Khor.

At 8 something like that, the ceremony begin with all the speech, then food came and also the performance began. I, represent SGGS student thank you our sisters who from MGS, Singapore had perform for us on that night. Thank you... Moreover, the student council did a video and show us about our school. After i watch the video, i feel that i don't want to graduate yet. i want to stay longer time in this school. i wish that i came earlier. i really love this school. There is always a connection between teachers and students...... Teachers are always be there to comfort us, support, motivate and guides us. Never have shy among them.

This is why i always feel that i am proud to be a Georgian. I never regret that i choose this school to continue my form 6. There is a phrase that teachers always remind us ,

' Once a Georgian, Forever is a Georgian '

After that dinner, i went back with my friend who is from klang that came to Penang to have fun. Haha! Its has been long time i never go out late night already. We just find a place to sit and chat at the place along Gurney drive. At 2am, we back because of the hawker's want to go back already. Haha! Then he fetch me back..... Don't worry my friend..... He can be trusted. Haha!
ok la, i think that all for now.......
c ya!
take care!
God bless you all.........

Check out my New Slide Show!

GeorGian NighT!!!!

Now I am excited about tomorrow. Tomorrow is our agenda almost the entire girls who attend our graduation night will be dress very graceful and pretty with their dress, make up and hair too. Tomorrow will be very busy day for each of us. I just couldn't wait for tomorrow. I will have a nice dress that I bought for about 5 months but never wear it before. I thought of wear the dress which I bought on my last birthday but teacher said cannot dress like that, must have scaft on it but my scaft is too thin so I have no choice. moreover I am lazy to go out and buy or find. I must take a lot of photo tomorrow as I have to wait for a long time until I dress like that so gorgeous for the next time. Futhermore this is the last year I will be study in school compound and wearing school uniform.

Although I am excited, I am still worry about my transport for me to reach Gurney hotel. I really upset about it. I couldn't find someone to fetch me there. I really thought of I don't want to go anymore. I rahter go to tuition. But I have already pay RM65 so I have to go otherwise my 65 gone just like that. I really wish that I have car now. So I won't need to go around and ask my friend whether they can fetch me or not. I feel very uncomfortable to ask them because I don't like to do that. I really need transport!!!!!!

Father, I really pray that my transport problem will be settle........
Someone will fetch me to go Gurney hotel.........
Father, I really pray hard for it.......

CrosS CounTry For SGGS!!!!!

today i slept at 3 sth am, wake up at 6.40am....... when i wake up i feel that i dont want to go to botanical garden for cross country but finally i went.
i took a lot of photo but most is my friends. today really nice. I have been attend cross country for 7 years but this is the 1st time never stop to rest but continue to walk. I listened to my lovely mp3 while i was on the way. really nice...... after we finish, we been rewarded with a bottle of mineral water and burger. moreover we have free sunquick. we can drink as much as we want.

I found my school is really nice. everyone who called to go up stage to perform, sure go up without shy. maybe with shy but they still take encourage to go up. even teacher also sing among us. did anybody see that before? about 11 something we go back already. i thought of want to wait for my kl friend ~ yeong li but he need about 1pm only reach Penang so i decide to go home 1st as i was very tired and a bit headache because of i never have enough sleep.

i think thats all for our cross country!
bye!
cya!

Heaven & Earth

Just to share with all of you. this is a nice movie. talk about what will have in war time, how men treat women in the past, how women and children suffer, men does not respect women, how much you believe in your ancester, faith.......


With Heaven and Earth -- cobbled together from two autobiographical reminiscences (When Heaven and Earth Changed Places and Child of War, Woman of Peace by Le Ly Hayslip -- Oliver Stone completes his self-declared "Vietnam Trilogy" (the other films being Platoon and Born On the Fourth of July) of films examining the Vietnam War from different perspectives. Heaven and Earth begins in the central Vietnamese village of Ky La during the 1950s. Phung Le Ly (Hiep Thi Le) is an innocent peasant girl, helping her mother (Joan Chen) to tend the rice paddies while being lectured in the ways of life by her father (Haing Ngor). The idyllic peace of the village is disrupted when a jet bomber crosses the skies. Soon the village is decimated as the American-backed South Vietnamese government troops and the Viet Cong engage in brutal warfare in which the victims are the innocent villagers. Le Ly is both tortured and raped. She leaves Ky La for Danang for a life as a prostitute. There she meets the tall and craggy American soldier Steve Butler (Tommy Lee Jones), a kind but lonely man who isn't looking for sex but for someone to settle down with -- as he says, "I want an Oriental wife." They marry, and Steve takes her back to the United States, where her in-laws look at her not as a wife but as a pet. In the harsh glare of 1970s U.S. culture, Le Ly has trouble adjusting to the American way of life. But not as hard a time as her husband, who, after twenty years in Vietnam, discovers he cannot adapt to civilian life.

一个小测验

一个小测验，很灵的!


一个小测验，很灵的!一个小测验，很灵的！！
真的很灵的
真的真的很灵的
真的真的真的很灵的
真的真的真的真的很灵的
真的真的真的真的真的很灵的
一道一道题目地做，别跳着读：
　　
　　1)写下一个异性的名字
　　2)你最喜欢的颜色是红色，黑色，蓝色，绿色，还是黄色？
　　3)你英文名字的第一个字母？
　　4)你的生日是几月？
　　5)黑色和白色，你更喜欢哪个？
　　6)写下一个同性朋友的名字
　　7) 你最喜欢的数字？
　　你喜欢美国的加利福尼亚州(California) 还是福罗里达州(Florida)？
　　9)你最喜欢湖还是海洋？
　　10)许个愿望(一个实际的愿望)








回答了答案就会出现哦。



以下内容跟帖回复才能看到
==============================

答案
1)你深深的爱着这个人
　　2)如果你选择：
　　红色：你是很警戒的人，你的一生中充满了爱
　　黑色：你很保守，但很自负
　　绿色：你的灵魂很散懒，而且你是个比较放松的人

　　蓝色：你是个八爪鱼，同时爱很多人，而且你喜欢你的爱人的吻和爱
　　黄色：你是个快乐人，而且你给失落的人很好的建议

　　3)如果你的你英文名字的第一个字母是：
　　A-K 你有的一生中会很多爱和友情
　　L-R 你总是想欢享你的生命，你的爱情生活马上就要开放

　　S-Z 你喜欢帮助他人，而且你的未来的爱情生活充满希望

　　4)如果你生在：
　　一月到三月：今年你会很走运，而且你会发现你会以外的爱上一个人
　　四月到六月：你会有个很强的爱情，这段感情不会很长，但那美好的回忆会让你永生
不忘
　　七月到九月：你会有个很快乐的一年且会经歷一个在你一生中好的，很大的改变
　　十月到十二月：你的爱情不会很好，但最终你会找到你一生的伴侣
　　5)如果你选择了：
　　黑色：你的生命将会改变方向，当时看起来似乎很难，但之后你会觉得这个改变是你
一生中最好的东西
　　白色：你有个朋友很信任你，愿意为你做任何事情，但你可能不知道这一点
　　6)他是你最好的朋友
　　7)这是你一生中会有的贴心朋友的数目
　　如果你选了：
　　加利福尼亚州(California) ：你喜欢冒险
　　福罗里达州(Florida)：你是个懒散的人
　　9)如果你选了：
　　湖：你对你的朋友和爱人很忠诚，且你是个保守的人
　　海洋：你是个八爪鱼，同时爱很多人，且你想让你爱的人快乐
　　10)如果你一个小时内重新在另一个地方发表这个测验，你的愿望会在你的下个生日之前实现~

MesSaGe For Wu Chun

its really happy to see you post new blog here but now i feel abit fed up that i can not post what i wanted to tell you. this is the 3rd time i type this comment.....

your blog, really give me power to be more hardworking on my studies for my stpm. As you have said, I also LACK OF TIME! So, we both pray that we won't lack of time anymore. through your blog i feel that sometimes we need to motivate each other and support each other so that we will have more encouragement to run our life better. We need to have CONFIDENT in ourself and do our best in whatever things that we want. Actually i really hope to see your letter in my mail box....
Will My Wish Come True?

Remember my email address is kathyang88@hotmail.com
Really Wish To Receive It....
I'll pray for you about your Health, Family and most important Time!
Do take care of yourself well ya, i will too.
Sorry, this time don have chinese version....
Next time la....

Oh, just do abit of sharing since you share your blog here..
http://god-and-kathy.blogspot.com/

You Share Yours Then I Share Mine

我一直都在

遥望着你背影
有孤单太苍白
我多么想陪着你
走过人山人海
当天空变灰白
你的忧伤澎湃
我多么想走进你
紧锁的心海
我一直都在你身后等待
等你有一天回过头看我
我的笑送给你希望你快乐
你的难过都给我
关于你的一切我都
好好收藏着
等你有一天能感觉到我
就算我在你世界
渺小像一颗尘埃
我也会给你我所有的光和热
我鼓起勇气呐喊
你要听得见
我不许你再孤单
要你拥抱我给的温暖



this song very nice!

ENJOY!!!

What ShOulD I Do?

虽然他不再跟我联络,
我也对他很失望,
也决定我不要睬他直到他主动跟我谈天,
可是他就是还在我心里........
放弃他真的那么难吗?
还是我还不想放弃他?

虽然现在我能很专心地求上进,
有时我还会想起他.......
一下子而已啦........

开学了,
我还是每天都上网,
放着也好,
好让他会想要留言,或 nudge 我,
可是等了这么多天,
都没有.............

他快要去kl 念书了,
应该是这星期日早上吧...........

我真的好想我们好像以前一样,
可能我需要等他主动吧........
毕竟每次都是我,
可是我要等到几时?
我真的想见他,
在他还没去kl前,
可是没有可能的啦,
他心里只有她..................

怎么办?
我好想念他...............


i feel that i want to chat with him but he lie to me before and i feel that he shouldn't do that.
moreover every time also i am the one who start the talk and maybe he won't reply me too.
i really hope that i can meet him or just see him again before he go to kl....
but i think he won't because all his heart is with her and he just care of her and might just do not know how to face me.
what should i do?
i do miss him.......

now i really can concentrate on my studies and just sometimes think of him.........
sometimes i really angry of myself that why i still can have feeling on him.........
haiz........
Father, what should i do? i hope that you do help me...........
thank you , father...
I pray in Jesus name, AMEN!

吴尊,好想跟你做朋友

你好,吴尊...
我觉得叫你哥哥比较好啦,毕竟你大过我,
我叫 kathy ,
其实我从小到大都不沉迷偶像....
不好意思,
如果不是因为花样的话,
我根本不在乎你是谁.........

我真的很想跟你做个朋友,
一个大我蛮多岁的朋友吧.....

其实我不是你的粉丝啦,
所以你不用太怕我,
我也不知道是什么感觉,
就是觉得想跟你聊, 成为你的朋友,

对了,我今年19岁,
明年我就要到大学念书了,
嘿,我好期待有花样的续缉哦,
实在太好看了,
可能我比较喜欢斯文类型的男生吧,
所以就比较欣赏你吧.......
每次在看花样时,都很想看到你与嘉桦的一幕,
很奇怪,
自从 S.H.E 出道,
我就比较喜欢嘉桦,虽然多数人喜欢selina 和 hebe,
真的希望能与你们两个交个朋友,
虽然在你们眼里觉得我是个小妹妹吧....
无论如何, 我是马来西亚人,
希望有一天我们会相遇,
不是偶像与粉丝的关系,
而是朋友..........

我想你是汶莱人,
应该知道msn,
我的msn是kathyang88@hotmail.com
e-mail 也是...

好了,祝你好运哦!

Confident!!!!

After this holiday, i really lose confident on guys for relationship. Its really broke my heart. Guys are sucks......
Now i just don't dare to try anymore, i don't want to get hurt anymore....
Maybe i should become lesbian but i think God won't allow me to do so.
Anyway i just give it all to my God, i just don't want to think anymore....
Now i better study, and i am going to kl not because of him ,
But to study more.....
Single ? Not big deal!!!!


Father, i just pray that you will always be there when i need you......
and also i pray that all my friends will be happy, healthy and peace.........
ALL THE BEST TO ALL MY FRIEND!!!!!

if ever anyone of you need friend or me, just find me or message me,
remember i will always be there for you all ya.....

BE CHARMED!!!!!

你怎么可以就这样打碎了我的梦!!!!!!!!

[点击图片可在新窗口打开] 真没想到你竟然打破了我的梦!

为何你能吻一个女生, 正当你在追求另一个女生!!!!!! [点击图片可在新窗口打开]

当我知道你追求她时,我心情还好的,
我也祝福你能追到她!
我会帮你祈祷...

可是当我想起时, 我对你真的是有点失望.......
你是一个很好的男生,在很多人眼里你是很好的,
没想到.............
我想要等你的,
可是现在你竟然是这样的人,
我不知该怎么办...........
让时间来决定我要或会等你吗吧................

为什么你要这样对我!
为什么你要令我失望!

咳.....我不知道啦.........
让我们的主决定吧!
你好自为之了........

满足

自从他回来以后,他都一直避开我,
不合我说话,让我真的很难受.
今天我们一般朋友一起约好吃早餐,
在还没看到他时我很不安心,
不知道应该怎么办,
不知道他会怎样对待我. . . . . .

看到他时我很高兴,
可是我没有表现出来,
本来说好5 个人,
那知道他载来一位朋友,是女生,
而且也和我一样对他有感觉的,
我有点心酸,
可是我没办法,
我就装着没事发生过,
在无意中看他,
我很高兴, 虽然他没有直接跟我讲话 .

有几次我觉得他有看着我,
有留意到我,
我真的很开心,
可是我觉得他不知道是不是不爽我,
算了吧. . . . . .
现在我完全不知道他几时会去kl,
关于他的一切我都不知道. . . . .
可是今天能见到他,
我已经很满足了. . . . . .
虽然我们距离远,
见面的时间只不过是2小时,
可是见到他我真的很开心.
已经很满足了,
毕竟我不能让他觉得我还有感觉,
不然他不敢跟我聊了. . . . . . . .

虽然喜欢你或暗恋你是很辛苦,
可是我没办法,
我的心总是想着你,
我会默默地帮你祈祷,
无论如何我都会永远支持你,
当你需要朋友或想起我时,
找我!
我永远都会在那儿等着你 或帮你的. . . . .
可能我帮不到你,
但每当你需要我时,
我就会在那. . . . . . . .

希望你快乐,
希望以后你会找到你人生的另一伴,
虽然我希望能跟你在一起,
可是如果你不喜欢我或有其他理由,
我是不勉强你的,
我只希望能呆在你身边. . . . . . .

Pray for him....

Father, i do wish that or pray that i will have chance to work out with my dream guy that you always know he is in my heart even he rejected me. i was wanted to let him go but my heart is just always think of him and father, you did say that prayers do help and if only i believe in you and trust you. and since both of us are your son and daughter ( even i haven't baptist yet ) so i do hope that or pray that my dream will come true in the future. thank you,father. i wish that he won't afraid of me and still we are friends like past and he stop avoiding me. father, i pray that when he go to cyber and start his 2nd year, he will be happy always and peace. this is all the best for him and this post is to pray for him. thank you, father.
I, kathy pray in Jesus name, AMEN!

SiNgle!!!!

i am single right now!!! haha! now i just have to focus on my study and be happy in my life. i want to go to kl study economics.i have to.and now i want to be single for a long time. i know i can cause you know what, for me, guys are good to be friend but not couples. so i just have friends now better than couples. now i want to make myself look prettier and with good result but then when guys see me they can't reach me. lol!

Get Rejected!!!

last night he just couldn't stand they way i kept express my feeling and we discuss about it then he reject me and ask me to give up him.....
why don't you just try?
but now never mind already.......
i have done what i can do, moreover before i try i know that i will get rejected i just know about it. but still now i am moody.....i have try to study and forget about him but i am still upset about it but i know that time will heal me.....
who knows maybe i will give him up or i will still like him? i do not know and do not want to think about it anymore.i need time to settle down myself. why in this world, all is opposite? the guy that i like or really love, don't like me but the guy that i don like he like me. when think about it, i have a bit of anger. but one thing can be sure that my books never hurt me. i hope that my books is the person that i love and he do love me.....
guys are sucks!!!!!
i really fed up..... now i am like dilemma....
God, please save me!!!!

Extreme But Moody

Father, i just did what i should be done last year.i told him about how i feel again. its really took a lot of encourage, brave, faith, calm to tell him again. but i just start at the beginning, he appear offline to me. but i just don't care and just continue all my words. i do not know how he feel maybe shock but i really do not know why i am upset.

Now i think about the negative.i should give up today. i though of give up but at last i still try. now ended up i do not know where to go. Father, i am lost. Can u lead me to the way out? If he really reject me again, my heart will really breakaway. i never like somebody for so long and no matter i have how many boyfriend, he is still in my heart. i just do not know why he is still there in the bottom of my heart.

Father, u do know that i break up with my boyfriend is not because of him. just don't let him think that. please.... our break up is our problem not because of him. Father, i really moody and feel like don't want to talk. If ask me to try again, i really don't have the encourage to go for it unless you're with me. Father, he is also your son. Is it that he don't ever like me or he already has another target?

Father, when will i get the answer if after this holiday, i really or do know that no hope already. i won;t dare to try next time........

Father, i do pray hard about it. I don't hope that he scare of me but to accept me at least just a try. Father, please help me.............

Pray in Jesus name, AMEN!

Mid- Year Test

Left 2 days i am free already.....
i am going to have my new hair cut since i look dull.haha!!!
i think this test is better already....
after that i need to really work hard for my stpm. haha!
actually now i also working hard on my stpm.........
this test better because i prepare for stpm.
Having exam is to spot what will out in the exam.

I was very happy that what i spot for my mikro all out, so i might get a high marks for my mikro. haha! really proud of myself.... but i did not spot for makro because too many bab and all teori so its hard to spot even understand it.....

No matter how after finish this test, i am going to have fun and do what i should do......

Father, i hope that you will help me to make it success. father, u know that i really pray hard on it. i hope that he won't be so chicken, don't lie to himself....
Father, help both of us......
thank you, father....
Pray in Jesus name, AMEN

Big ProBlem

i want to break up with my boyfriend already......
he treat me not good and rude to me....
really very angry and just want to be free!
but i do nt know how to tell him because he did treat me very good....
but my sir said he is wrong he shouldn't cold down 1.....
so i just do what i want to do....

bye bye ,my boy

I'm A Secure Relationship Attachment Style

Are You a Secure Lover?
Are You a Secure Lover?
Anxiety
Avoidance
Attachment Types You Choose
Getting More Secure
History Behind the Test
For More Reading

Kathy, you have what psychologists call a Secure relationship attachment style.
Secure
You tend to be an open and trusting romantic partner. You find it relatively easy to get close to people, and are generally comfortable depending on others.

Attachment style begins in infancy with the interactions we have with our parents or primary caregivers. Through these early relationships we begin to understand the dynamics and patterns of close relationships and we carry this perspective into our adult relationships.

Psychologists have identified four different relationship attachment styles: secure, preoccupied, dismissing avoidant, and fearful avoidant. Despite the alarming sounding names of some of these styles, there are many understandable reasons why people develop them. Further along in this report we will explain some of the issues underlying each of the attachment styles.

10% of those who have taken our test share this style of attachment.

When you choose a romantic partner you tend to gravitate towards those who have what psychologists call a secure attachment style. These are people who are warm, open and trusting. People who have a secure attachment style are typically comfortable with themselves and show high regard for others.

Your answers on our test show that when it comes to relationships you probably had a solid start in life and you have developed primarily healthy relationship patterns. While you may not have resolved every issue, you have already developed strong relationship skills.

To find out more about your own attachment style, the attachment style of those you tend to choose for romantic relationships, and how to develop a more secure attachment style, read on!
The Two Axes of Anxiety and Avoidance

High Anxiety
Low Avoidance


High Avoidance
Low Anxiety


As you can see in the above graph, there are two key dimensions that determine a person's relationship attachment style: Anxiety and Avoidance. In the following section you'll find out what specific behaviors and issues of yours contributed to your score on each of these axes, and how your scores compare with others.

Are You a Secure Lover?
Anxiety
Avoidance
Attachment Types You Choose
Getting More Secure
History Behind the Test
For More Reading

Anxiety

The primary issue underlying the dimension of anxiety with respect to relationship attachment style is fear of abandonment. Those high on the anxiety scale crave closeness and connection with others.

Through our own extensive research study, Tickle has identified five key subfactors of behavior and experience that make up the dimension of anxiety. Each of these subfactors is described below and you can see how you scored compared with others.

Loneliness


Average Score
Your Score
3

People who report higher levels of loneliness, particularly in the absence of a romantic relationship, tend to have overall higher anxiety scores.

As you can see in the chart above, you scored lower than average with respect to feelings of loneliness. This suggests that in general you are less prone to feelings of loneliness than others and, in the context of psychological attachment, you tend to place somewhat less emphasis on your romantic relationships than most others. This is not to say that your romantic relationships aren't important, but in the absence of a romantic relationship you are likely to still have a strong supportive social network of friends and/or family.


Self-Confidence

People who report lower levels of self-confidence tend to have higher overall anxiety scores.


Average Score
Your Score
6

Your responses indicate that your level of self-confidence is about average. It's likely that you have found a balance between living in accordance with your own internal standards and meeting other people's expectations. You probably care what other's think of you, but you're not likely to let that stop you if you feel strongly about something. In other words, you value the insight and opinions of others, but you generally make your own choices.


Fear of Loss


Average Score
Your Score
4

Expressing greater fear of loss or abandonment with respect to close relationships contributes to overall higher scores on anxiety.

Your score shows that you have less fear of loss than do most people. It's likely that partings and absences from those you care about are not especially difficult for you. You seem to know deep down that even if you do lose someone you love, you can and will survive.


Closeness Seeking


Average Score
Your Score
5

Those who have high needs for closeness and emotional intimacy with others also tend to have higher anxiety scores.

Your responses suggest that your tendency to seek closeness is about the same as most people. You are fairly open in your interpersonal interactions, but you're not likely to tell someone everything about yourself in the first five minutes. You also probably don't want to know everything about someone else just after meeting him or her. You tend to be someone who develops closeness with others gradually, and in a fairly balanced and reciprocal fashion.


Jealousy


Average Score
Your Score
4

Those who are highly jealous tend to have higher anxiety scores.

Your score shows that you tend to be less jealous than most people. When you are in a romantic relationship you're not likely to feel especially vulnerable to the loss of your partner. Because of this level of confidence in your partner and/or in your ability to live without a partner, you don't tend to express a great deal of jealousy.


Are You a Secure Lover?
Anxiety
Avoidance
Attachment Types You Choose
Getting More Secure
History Behind the Test
For More Reading

Avoidance

The primary issue underlying the dimension of avoidance with respect to relationship attachment style is fear of commitment. Those high on the avoidance scale don't trust that others can always be counted on, and they prize independence and self-reliance.

Through our own extensive research study, Tickle has identified five key subfactors of behavior and experience that make up the dimension of avoidance. Each of these subfactors is described below and you can see how you scored compared with others.

Misunderstood


Average Score
Your Score
5

Those who feel highly misunderstood tend to have higher avoidance scores.

Your responses indicate that, like most people, there are times when you feel understood and times when you don't. There may occasionally be times when you feel uncertain as to whether others would truly care for you if they had a glimpse of the person you are deep down. But the desire to be understood is strong enough that you are sometimes willing and able to engage in the kind of emotionally intimate communication that creates feelings of closeness and understanding between two people.


Emotional Caution


Average Score
Your Score
5.5

People who are highly emotionally cautious tend to have higher avoidance scores.

As you can see in the above chart, your level of emotional caution is about average. Specifically, there may be times when you are cautious about trusting other people. You may sometimes feel that other people have selfish motives and can't always be relied upon. But despite this, there are people who you do trust and know you can count on.


Loner


Average Score
Your Score
6

People who are loners tend to have higher avoidance scores.

You tend to be more of a loner than most people, and your need for solitude is generally higher than most other people. Being in a crowd is probably not something you'd enjoy. You may sometimes feel that you don't really understand other people. You would likely be most happy in a job that gave you a great deal of autonomy and enabled you to work primarily on your own.


Independence


Average Score
Your Score
3

People who are high in independence tend to have higher avoidance scores.

Your score shows that you tend to be less independent than most people. Specifically, when life gets tough you are generally someone who reaches out to those closest to you. You are usually able and willing to seek social support in times of crises. You tend to be someone who is able to express your pain, and you probably find it most helpful to process that pain with someone you know cares for you.


Risk Aversion


Average Score
Your Score
2

People who are high in risk aversion tend to have higher avoidance scores.

Your responses suggest that compared to others you are lower in risk aversion. In other words, you probably enjoy taking a risk now and then, perhaps because you have an underlying confidence that no matter what happens you'll be okay. You tend to be someone who is open to new people and situations.


Are You a Secure Lover?
Anxiety
Avoidance
Attachment Types You Choose
Getting More Secure
History Behind the Test
For More Reading

Attachment Types You Choose

High Anxiety
Low Avoidance


High Avoidance
Low Anxiety
Your Attachment Types Attachment Types You Choose


As you read earlier and can see in the above graph, your responses on our test indicate that you are most likely to choose romantic partners who have a Secure attachment style. In this section you'll learn more about all four attachment styles you might encounter in your romantic partners.

Keep in mind that while a person may have an overall insecure attachment style, they can still have some behaviors and tendencies that are more secure. Based on the experiences we each have with close relationships our attachment style can be modified. We'll tell you more about how attachment style can change in the following section called "Getting More Secure."

Secure

As the name suggests, a secure attachment style is the psychological ideal. According to the original theory of attachment proposed by psychologist John Bowlby (1969), secure attachment develops when the needs of an infant child, from birth to about age two, are consistently and successfully met by the primary care giver. In other words, we learn at a very young age whether the world and the people in it can be counted on to meet our needs, from the most basic need of hunger, to our needs for love and affection.

As we mature and begin romantic relationships we bring with us this fundamental view about what we can expect from other people. People with a secure attachment style tend to be positive, optimistic, and constructive in their interactions with others. They tend to be more trusting and less prone to loneliness than those with insecure attachment styles. They enjoy sex, especially with long-term partners.

Preoccupied

According to Bowlby's theory, preoccupied attachment style develops when the needs of an infant are inconsistently and/or unsuccessfully met by the primary care giver. In other words, the child learns that sometimes needs are met and sometimes they are not. Ultimately this creates a desire for closeness and affection combined with a fear of rejection or abandonment.

People with a preoccupied attachment style tend to show a great deal of openness and eagerness to get close in a romantic relationship. They tend to be emotional, especially under stress, and may display more jealousy than those with other attachment styles. When it comes to sex, they may prefer being cuddly to actual intercourse. People with a preoccupied attachment style are typically very loyal and devoted partners.

Dismissing Avoidant

The dismissing avoidant attachment style is theorized to develop when the needs of an infant are consistently not met by the primary caregiver. Bowlby originally observed this style of attachment following World War II in over crowded British orphanages. Because there were so many children and so few staff, the babies were often left alone in cribs for extended periods of time. Not having their basic needs of hunger and affection met, these children learned that the world and the people in it could not be counted on to take care of them.

People with dismissing avoidant attachment style tend to very independent and self-reliant. They don't usually find it easy to open up to others or to let themselves depend on other people. They tend to withdraw from their romantic partner when they or their partner are under stress. When it comes to sex, they are more likely than those with other attachment styles to engage in casual sex. People with a dismissing avoidant attachment style can be attractive because getting to know who they truly are poses an intriguing challenge.

Fearful Avoidant

The fearful avoidant attachment style was not part of Bowlby's original theory, but has recently been observed and studied by psychologists who specialize in adult attachment. The causes of this attachment style are not uniformly agreed upon by psychologists. It has been hypothesized that the early childhood roots of "fearful avoidants" and "dismissing avoidants" are similar in not having their basic needs consistently satisfied. However, when sex-role socialization begins when these types are toddlers, the styles diverge. Studies based on this hypothesis show that there are more males who are dismissing avoidants and more females who are fearful avoidants. Other psychologists suggest the possibility that the development of a fearful avoidant style may be related to an experience of significant loss or trauma.

People with a fearful avoidant attachment style have both a desire for closeness as well as a need for space and independence. They may at times lack self-confidence and may also harbor some fears of rejection. They are likely to show more emotion than those who are dismissing avoidants, but may sometimes still find it difficult to really open up to others. When it comes to sex, fearful avoidants may think they can handle casual sex, but may be more likely than others to then feel unsatisfied with that type of arrangement. People with a fearful avoidant attachment style can be attractive because they tend to be complicated and compelling.

Whatever attachment style you, your partner, or your potential partners might have, it is possible to develop a more secure attachment style.


Are You a Secure Lover?
Anxiety
Avoidance
Attachment Types You Choose
Getting More Secure
History Behind the Test
For More Reading

Getting More Secure

As we've said throughout this report, attachment style is formed in infancy, but it continues throughout one's life. The beliefs about the world and the people in it that we form early on can and do affect our relationships, but our relationships and experiences continue to shape our beliefs as well. In other words, attachment style is not necessarily set in stone at age two. With thoughtful effort, a person with an "insecure" attachment style can develop one that is more secure.

The key to developing a more secure attachment style is in addressing the deep-seated fears that are below the surface of the insecure attachment styles. As noted earlier, those are fears about security in interpersonal relationships: fear of abandonment and fear of commitment. Both of these fears stem from core feelings and beliefs that see the self as unlovable and/or other people as undependable. Internal thoughts such as "you can't really count on anyone but yourself," or "men/women always leave" support and perpetuate this belief. Changing those deeply rooted beliefs isn't easy, but it can be done. Simply noticing the kinds of thoughts or messages you give yourself can be a first step. Recognizing that the thought is false is another important step. Replacing the internal messages and thus the beliefs is the most challenging step.

Many people find it helpful to work with a trained psychologist, psychiatrist, or licensed clinical social worker when trying to develop a more secure attachment style. There are many different forms of therapy that can be helpful. It's important to find a therapist and a type of therapy that feels most comfortable to you.

There is individual psychotherapy in which you work one on one with a therapist. While many therapists are able to use a variety of techniques, most have a particular style that they use most frequently. Some examples of different styles or approaches are:

* Cognitive/behavioral therapy, which primarily focuses on identifying and changing specific thoughts and behaviors.
* Psychodynamic therapy, which focuses heavily on early childhood experiences.
* Rogerian or client-centered therapy in which the therapist provides unconditional positive regard.
* Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which combines techniques of acceptance and validation with techniques of problem solving and behavior change.

As an individual, there is also the option of individual group therapy. Group therapy brings together a small number of individuals with a therapist or group facilitator. Typically, the primary goal of group therapy is to provide and model social support as well as helping the individual members of the group to improve their social and relationship interaction skills.

Another option is couples therapy. If you are already in a romantic relationship but wish to improve your interactions, this could be the route for you. Like individual therapy, couples therapists can employ a variety of therapeutic techniques or styles. One therapeutic approach that is specifically designed to address attachment issues is Emotionally Focused Therapy or EMT. EMT is a short-term therapeutic technique, usually consisting of 8 to 20 sessions. This approach works to de-escalate negative interactions and foster new patterns that promote secure bonding between partners. The goal of this therapy is to reorganize key emotional responses.

When there is an entire family involved, there is the option of family systems therapy. Most of the therapies employed with individuals or couples may also be used with a family. Typically the focus of family therapy is the interactions between family members.

Any of these can be effective; what's most important is finding a therapist and the type of therapy that feels right for you.


Are You a Secure Lover?
Anxiety
Avoidance
Attachment Types You Choose
Getting More Secure
History Behind the Test
For More Reading

History Behind the Test

Tickle's Are You a Secure Lover? test was created using the latest theories and measures from adult attachment psychology. We conducted our own extensive study with over one thousand participants to ascertain and measure the major components of attachment. A factor analysis enabled us to identify the subfactors described in this report that comprise the major attachment dimensions of Anxiety and Avoidance.

As we have noted elsewhere, attachment theory was originally put forth by the psychologist John Bowlby. Bowlby was interested in the fundamental need that people have for security and how that is satisfied within our closest interpersonal relationships. His primary focus was to describe and explain how infants become emotionally attached to their primary caregivers and emotionally distressed when separated from them. In more recent years, psychologists such as Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver have extended Bowlby's analysis to the romantic love of adult relationships. These theorists suggest that romantic love is a process of becoming attached and that this process is affected by individual's attachment history. If you're still eager to learn more about adult attachment or attachment theory in general, check out the references we've listed below.

So Happy To Receive Your Reply

As i have said, my friend never reply me but today when he on9, he sent me msn saying that: sorry.... i having final so din reply u. then nudge me back. but i was away to watch movie. so when i back, i saw his msn, i was very happy and reply him, : its ok...i also having mid year.... i understand. haha! you know i was so angry of you that you never reply me even always appear offline but now you say sorry to me, so its ok. i won't put inside my heart one. i do understand and trust you also support you. hehe! ;) GAMBATE!

MUET SPEAKING TEST!!!!!!!

tomorrow i will have my speaking test at abt 830 am. i really scare that i will feel scare and i don't have point or vocabulary that i want. i really hope that i could success tomorrow. there is a verse that miss Yeoh always encourage us, : " i can do it, i am going to do it, and i will do it, i MUST do it." God, miss Yeoh said prayers do help. i also hope that its help and i believe that its do help because god always hear us, see us, and try to come near us to give advise or encourage. so now i pray :

Father, i do pray that tomorrow i will not feel scare but be calm while i am in the test. and even if i have not much point but i do hope that my communicative ability will be in high marks. so, i do hope that speaking could help me to get a band 4 in muet. father, i also pray that tomorrow i will get the vocabulary or words that i want. Father, wish me good luck and success in my speaking test and i do hope that father, you will accompany me even stay beside me to calm down my fear. thank you father....
Pray in Jesus name, AMEN!

Friend.....

haha, this called as friend. a friend who receive about 20 message but just reply you back 2. ok, i just treat you as my good friend but why you are like avoiding me? a friend who care about you not good meh? otherwise, what is friend?
can't you try to think positive way? just be open la.... what had happened is already happen. just forget it. i never judge you after that also. i never ask you anything also. but if u feel that i am annoying, just tell me better than i think it wrongly. we are friends, not maid or just a normal friends. don't make me think that i am so worthless.
it is really hard to wait, but i wait. at last, i get a different treat than before until i feel that i am no longer your friend.

5 days holiday...

Wow.... when i have school time, i wish that the holiday come fast and sometimes don wan to go school. because sometimes teacher never come and we go school just like take the attendance only. now i am in the holiday and today is the last day. tomorrow i need to go back to school again.
these few days i less chat with my bf and also i have my stuff to do is to online everyday. haha!!! i known many of the unknown people. specially from kl n Selangor. because i went to 988 everyday. now i be able to type in Cantonese d.
Besides that, my good friend come back and he is back today at 11am. so i think after 3 hour or maybe less than will reach Malacca already. i will miss you ooo. haha!
Thanks that you fetch me from school to have lunch with you all and thanks that you came to our schol food fair on Sunday and introduce a nice girl for me. Really have a nice chat with you all. I really have fun. No matter what happen, i will be here to support you ler.........
Be charmed!!!