How To Live Your Relationship Right?

Because developing an intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex is of the more exciting and satisfying experiences in life, it is sometimes difficult to spread the intimacy - building activities over a sufficiently long period of time for the relationship to develop real depth. There is a temptation to rush into commitment, to speed up the progression, and to spend as much time together as possible right away.
There are 3 type of progression :

A Natural Progression
Janet and Matt started dating in January and by March had decided to become more than intimate friends. Although their time alone together accumulated only slightly faster than the correct time, they did cross over into a sexual relationship about a month prior to getting married.

A Sensual Progression
Dinah and Nathan's relationship started out much like Janet and Matt's, except that after three month of dating they significantly increased the time they spent alone together. They started heavy petting shortly after their fifth month of dating. For about a week, they tried to let things cool off; but because they continued spending long evenings together, they soon not only went to bed together but began sleeping together regularly.

A Lustful Progression
Sharri and William started dating, went to bed, and moved in together within five weeks after having met. They actually knew very little about one another and hadn't had time to build much of relationship. Theirs was merely a convenient union based on physical attraction and emotional excitement, rather than a permanent commitment based on friendship.

"So What's The Problem?


Problems With Natural and Sensual Progression

^^ Because these two types of relationships move quickly from the casual stage of friendship to physical and emotional intimacy, there is a strong possibility that the skills required for maintaining intimacy at each level were not fully developed. Yet these are the very skills that become the most significant in a lifelong marriage. Getting married without these skills is a little like attempting to climb Mt. Everest after taking only one weekend course in mountain climbing!

^^ A second problems is that relationship need to be developed over a sufficient period of time for the romantic fantasy to give away to a joyous reality.

^^ A third problem is that, although developing sexual intimacy is more fun and less work than developing intimacy at the emotional, physical and friendship levels, sex without intimacy at those levels is not truly intimate.

^^ Exercise : The question is how far will you go, and when do you choose to get out of the relationship rather than get to 10? Be honest about the physical part of the relationship.

1. Look
2. Touch
3. Lightly holding hands
4. Constantly holding hands
5. Light kiss
6. Strong kiss
7. French kiss
8. Fondling breasts
9. Fondling sexual organs
10. Sexual intercourse

GOING BEYOND 7 prior to marriage will damage your spiritual lives and your moral characters.


Problems With A Lustful Progression


^^ First, the problems already mentioned are magnified. For example, instead of the relational skills just being underdeveloped, they probably do not even exist.

^^ Second, should the couple decide to back off from their sexual relationship, they would most likely return to the level of mere acquaintances because the friendship level was never developed.

^^ A third problem is that people tend to develop new relationship based on prior experiences. Consequently, those whose patterns have been to become sexually intimate quickly will tend to repeat those patterns over and over, getting involve with one partner after another.

^^ So, the underlying problem with all three of the less - than ideal progressions illustrated is that the end goal - a strong, lasting relationship - becomes less and less of a real possibility because the initial structure is weak. True friendship is the safety net under a marriage.

What Does God Say?

God's principles for moral purity are clearly outlined in His Word.

He designed the human body, including our sexual desires and functions ( Ps. 139: 13-17 )

Sexual intimacy is to be a part of the husband - wife relationship. Hebrews 13:4 reads, : Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed kept pure; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge".

Sexual intimacy outside of marriage is expressly forbidden. In fact, the Scriptures teach that those wjo continue to practice such things are excluded from the kingdom of God ( Cor. 5:9-13; 6:13-20; Eph. 5:3; Thess. 4:3 )